When I was a kid around six years old, while I was playing in the backyard I accidentally stepped on a piece of broken glass, which cut right under my big toe. I screamed to that sharp pain and my piercing shriek rushed my mom outside. She found me on the ground, holding my blood, howling and screaming even more every time she asked what happened. As she tended to me with much tenderness and compassion, she was able to calm me a little while awaiting the family nurse. Not without a fight, the wound was finally cleaned, clean ointment and gauze closed the deal to make me feel better along with some candies.

However, after over a week my pain level would not decrease, I was complaining day and night and nobody could understand why. How can you still be in so much pain? You should feel better they would say.  No one understood why it was taking so long, too long to heal and was still painful.  Nobody could understand it, some thought and even expressed that I was a crybaby, a wimp and a poltroon. Aside from being in pain, I was devastated, scared and even ashamed at times to mention that I was in pain.

Because I had to, I forced myself to walk, to wear shoes to go school and to play with my friends. Everything seemed fine but I was still in so much pain. My toe alone was possessed by a demon, it was slowly torturing me with a tingling sharp pain day and night. It felt like my flesh was being shredded, I was being eaten alive by this excruciating pain. On a Saturday, as it was time to change the dressing on the wound a fortunate accident happened. The forceps clamp hit something the wound that at first, we all weirdly assumed was a bone but quickly realized that my bone was not broken. Upon closer examination, it turned out that a little piece of glass was still in the wound. Everybody was speechless and outraged!

The compassion, the guilt, the confusion and the pain that I saw then on their faces scared me to death. I thought that I was going to die! .What should be done? “It must come out for the wound to finally heal properly” yelled a deep voice that I recognized to be my dad’s. THEY HAD TO PULL IT OUT! Imagine my unbearable pain! My flesh had already started to heal around this foreign demoniac object but could not complete the process. People! Yes, people were holding me down, they were holding my arms, my legs and my foot stabilizing me for this perilous intervention. Still today, I can hear the echo of my mom’s voice asking me not to look as the nurse dug through my bloody and sore toe to find and pull the piece of glass that has surely grown roots and made my toe his home. I was screaming my lungs out, my eyeballs were red. I hated everybody!

After the bloody operation, the crying and the kicking and what seemed an eternity in hell for me, my foot was cleaned and wrapped again to be healed. I got some cookies, hugs,  kisses and I am pretty sure some money too then I took it slow for the rest of the day. Eventually over the next few days, my pain lessened, the healing process was growing exponentially compared to my pain level. All I was telling myself was that I will never never never never step outside barefoot ever again! In the days that followed, I regained my playful self, I was happy and I was free to jump. I got my toe back and my confident walk back, I could run and wear shoes again without having to try to tough it out and smile while swallowing my tears, sobs or clinching.

Why sharing this old story with you? Simply, because I believe that in a lot of situations in our lives we need to rip the band-Aid off and deal with the mess of bloody wounds. Be ready to pull out any foreign body that will not fit nor allow for proper healing to move on freely and peacefully even in our subconscious. We need to find the courage to brace ourselves, to explore our sorrows and find proper healing. Our eagerness to convince ourselves that we are ok and to say “I am over this” or “This does not affect me”, causes us to be oblivious to the source of our pain. In reality, we are unconsciously bleeding all over. We long for quick and lasting happiness but we do not take the time to get rid of the weeds then dig deep for happiness to take roots and grow.

We feel ready to move to the next level when in reality most of the time, we just cover the wounds. Once it starts bleeding again or we finally see the blood, we just add more gauze instead of going deeper to find the source and make it stop. Oftentimes we are good at just caring for the wounds instead of going through a short time pain and uncomfortable moment for a lasting wellness. As eloquently written by Neil Strauss “People go through so much pain trying to avoid pain”.

Regardless of what your pain or sorrow might be today, I pray that you find the strength to dig deeper to the source or find help to look deeper. Keep your eyes on the prize: the ability to grow and live happily with your true self. Grow through it, don’t just go with it, learn your lesson and turn it around to your advantage. Who would have thought that today I would be able to fearlessly step outside barefoot? Certainly not my 6 years old self. today I even enjoy barefoot walk on the beach, all it takes is one careful look around to make sure that it is safe. furthermore, I am able to tell this story without feeling sad and angered.

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